Just Within Inertia's Hold

Einstein once mused "All of science is nothing more than the refinement of everyday thinking."

I always used to just accept all the quotations of the world.  As I grew older I lamented not listening, learning exactly what it meant to believe they were true.  At that point I was saved as I finally discovered how smart I was--that I could apply them all by myself.

I have always envied how carefree and happy people seemed to be.  I have that attention--deficit--can't--fucking-listen disorder, the one thing I can fully blame on my parents..  And that's enough censure placed for me, honestly. So, being socially weird, I enjoyed being with people, people of all kinds, as they kept me sane and reminded me what impulses of mine should be appropriate.  They kept me (more) normal yet gave me hope that one day I'll be a real boy--able to stand up to those who intimidate me.

I really shouldn't have masturbated so much.  I'd say I'm fucked by now but...that would be a lie.

Eh.

So how is this relevant...ah, I remember now.  I remembered I said before that I learned everything about the social codes of inter- and intra-personalities by observation and experimentation of the human species and culturing myself with books.  Being around everyone so often kept those skills sharp, so obviously my mood became fragile and distant as I started losing contact with the people I knew.

When I finally went to college at James Madison University last year my mind became so open--very much like the other nine-thousand freshmen.  Unfortunately, my opening was more of a concussion than a concise lobotomy, with mild side effects such as depression and what seems like a failed attempt at being schizophrenic.  I wish my brain would be something that fits into a diagnosis so I can actually get help.  A contributor to my brain damage was how I started losing people I had known so well, which had me lose touch with all those social rules the world seems to bend around (time is relative and bends around the person!) since I apparently taken them for granted.

Though for some reason I did not mope about it, really; instead I tried learning about too much to count and building up some intelligence.  Think of it as peering through of an elevator (representative of being a naturally smart bull-shitter) and realizing the only way to survive is to suck it up, build your strength and your world together from nothing and run through the glass walls onto the stairs (representative of pick your ass up and make yourself worth something for once).  If you don't?  Inevitably you will be seized by the shadows of suicide, the curtains of claustrophobia, the perilous parachute thing that your second grade class would play the game of 'toss it up and down please, children'.

So what Einstein is saying is that everyone speaks of and around the same principles and concepts, and that there are as many ways to look at them as there are coded neurons in our brain.  I had to build my perception ("train" my neurons, if you will) and the world back up from the abyss of depression, and what I found and am still discovering is that I was absolutely right about everything.  But I would never apply it to myself--only others were worthy of a full concept of self.

So throughout my journey towards what i hope to be the ultimate reality I've found that everything correlates.  For instance, neuroscience has buckets of truth within it's research--it describes the exact phenomena which we already talk and muse about but in terms so majestic and microscopic it makes me weep in revelry.  If you're curious, one very understandable and widely applicable concept is that of "neuroplasticity"; you won't be disappointed.

I personally suggest to everyone to study, read, and question to no end to unearth the secrets within your brain and among our world which will only make you happier, healthier and wealthier.  I've discovered so much in such a small amount of time about a vast variety of topics--the most important of which is that wisdom and advice is not something to be selfish about.  We are all humans, we all struggle with the same problems over and over again, and if we continue to keep our depressions and curiosities to ourselves we will inevitably fall as a race.  That's the 'or else'--be wary.



                   "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful"

Worthwhile Words to the Weary

Depression I'm guessing's
the reason I'm pressing
so hard for
that first
Damn
impression

But what about oppression?
(yeah, what about?)
Supressin' that obsession
humans got
with trying to be something
they can't be

I know you see it
feel it
perceive it
believe it
seeping through the masses
creeping up your feet
making you believe in what you can't defeat.

Close Encounters Of The First Blog

So, here’s my first blog ever; I guess you could call it an event. I don’t have much to say really—cold feet, you could say.




So, you need to know a bit about me, right? Well, I’m not really sure If i have a medical problem but I’m pretty sure I’m borderline schizophrenic. But as of late I haven’t really gotten out much. Factors such as my ex-girlfriend, personal post-flunking out of college struggle and my never-ending depression haven’t particularly jumped my enthusiasm. As such no, I have not been able to pick myself up and become one of these “people” that our world is inhabited by. Though I wouldn’t know, really…it has always appeared that I just cannot put my actual personal self into perspective ever. Oh yeah, I’m ADHD, shaken with partial Autism and topped off with parents I don’t think I will ever understand. So seriously, take that to whatever extreme that little man-judge in your head carries you. However, if you are one of those who are ignorant to such things—you know who you are, please don’t go into that denial shit—then please, do everyone a favor and go do some Google searches. We’re people too.




Not that I ever patronize people, excluding myself—remember how I told you I can’t classify myself as a people? Honestly, half of my time is spent criticizing myself and the other half is spent reveling in the sweet results of his critical bouts; this actually ties in to one of my theories on the amygdala and the split-brain phenomena. What? Really though, I’m one of those guys who got a bit obsessed with certain chemicals in college and decided to go on a noble journey to figure out how to truly perceive the world and eventually be the one to save it and so got so embedded in neuroscience and psychology and Buddhism that he couldn’t let himself find a reason to hate anyone—even himself—because he always has a reason to accept everything any one does even if that reason is all people are treated as equally worthy of living.




E-mail me if you want more droning phrases wrought with timeless wisdom.




So as you gathered, I’m out on a great mission. Through all of my thinking and theories many teachers and others have referred to my apparent brilliance which I, shrugging off pride with abashment, have used purely to motivate my self and my thoughts, producing more apparent brilliance. It’s like the Circular Flow of Goods and Services, for those of you who know anything about economics. I’m not finding a whole lot here at the local community college but that doesn’t mean I have given up looking. So far a really cool psychology professor and a lot of people who don’t know what they’re doing here are all I’ve found. I’m mainly using this as an opportunity to get my feet on the solid, sane surface of Earth with definite plan to leapfrog over to another University—despite being a community college there is a bounty of transfer programs to nearly any school in the state. Where is my college, precisely? Lynchburg, Virginia, U.S. of A.—my current area of residence. But not for too much longer—I have a forest to move into and a whole lot of thinking and truths to settle and set into motion.




Okay, three body paragraphs isn’t bad. I’m glad I finally started blogging—I had wanted to do it during college last year but couldn’t get around to it. My second attempt I realized that it wasn’t as difficult as I imagined it. So seriously, if anyone here has an interest in blogging, a burden of angst they need to regurgitate or just plain enjoys writing I encourage you to try it, if only for a post or two. I’m sure some of you might be surprised how loud your voice resounds among the internet. Really—what have you got to lose?